Friday Tom sent an email to KC team about my new assignment. There was one work outstanding that I should have completed before I moved out, but I didn't. Tom gave this work to W. And he didn't finish it in time, partly because I didn't push him enough.
And now A (the guy who replaced me) had to take the heat from KC about schedule and quality of work. I know that A must have hated me for dropping this sh*t on his lap. And I don't blame him for it. I am guilty without a doubt.
On Sunday, I asked mom how many US dollars was she having, as I might need it for my US trip. I didn't want to ask her about this, I expected she would be too excited about the trip. I am not even sure if I would get to to.
However, I thought I should talk to her more about what going in my life. Kay said she (and dad too) wanted to know more about my work or my life. But I hardly tell them anything.
My philosophy may be too weird.
I feel that I am doing "just" OK, so nothing too exciting to tell.
If things start to go bad, I don't want to worry them, so I just keep the worry to myself.
If things start to go very well, I know that it might go bad some day, and when that happens, it will be disappointing. So I don't tell them again, I don't want them to have high expectation and then feel let down later.
I think they don't ask much, because they are too "shy" and don't want to bother me with questions. I go home every week, but my parents must have known about my life less than they do about my sister's life.
It is very scary to think how detached (emotionally) I am from my parents when I live this close (physically) to them.
12:32 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 29, 2003
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